Emerging: Mi Cultura..Mi Jornada-My Culture..My Journey

I felt myself die yesterday, twice! No, I am not crazy. What I have is visions, premonitions, etc... I hate it because I never get enough to be of any help! Some have told me to try and work with it to make it stronger, but they don't feel the things I feel when I am going through one!

Sometimes it comes in slowly, like a picture through a hazy mist, sometimes it starts kind of water-colored, other times its just BAM! Right there! I've had this since I was a kid, no, I don't remember exactly when it started. Though I remember many of the dreams I had as a kid that came true. My mom never freaked because she too would get them, she understood that I had this "gift" though I don't think even she understood why. Anyway, I digress...

Yesterday---I laid down, tired, feeling nauseous. Tried to take a nap, and couldn't. My middle child was getting ready to go out, and I start to feel anxious about everything, my insides start to quiver. I know what's coming, so I call my Oldest into my room. I explain what's happening and she tells her sister that she can't leave yet, to wait 'cause I'm having one of my visions. They both come into the room, and start to ask me what I see (they do this as it helps me).

I see the color yellow coming in, looks almost like a rectangle of yellow but looks like someone took a pencil and shaded in the edges. I start to see the color green like it's spilling on top of the yellow, it's tree branches. Suddenly I feel this bang to my left temple, like a quick explosion of pain, then... I see red kind of seeping into unto the yellow from the side. I see a young girl, blonde, short hair, I see me/her (I know it to be her Spirit) just sit up, look around, no pain, no confusion... the words come into my head.. it is what it is. Shit! I want out of this! one of my daughters asked me if I was seeing a car accident, I say, I am not sure, but I think so, do I see other cars, is there someone else in the car with her, NO! just her, and she's gone. but then I see a man behind a counter, this one I am looking at like I am outside looking in. He is giving a bag to a young girl at the counter, it's a convenience store, I must be standing at the door as you walk in because I can see both the man behind the counter and the girl, she has brown hair, she is smiling, she has a dark dress on with a small flower print on it, as she walks by me and out of the store, I hear myself thinking, my God, she doesn't know that she will not make it home today! I start crying, I could hear my daughters asking me if I want to pull out, but I can't, I never can, I need to finish it any way it wants to end. I see a tigers face, my daughters ask questions, is it this is it that? No, it's like a symbol, a symbol on a sign. I can tell this is different, I don't feel like it could be connected to the first one but it could be, I just don't know!!! I see brown boots, no heels, leather, you can tell because they look comfortable, broken in, she loves those boots. There it is, I see the boot looks like it's coming off, but it's not, she's been hit by something. She is laying there in an awkward position, then it's me, I can feel my life/her life slowly seeping away, it's as if the light is dimming slowly slowly. It stops, I cry, I feel such a loss, my heart feels like its breaking, I feel myself rocking side to side,I'm rubbing my chest, I hear my daughters telling me to let it go. I am finally able to. I am depressed the rest of the day, I don't much feel like doing anything but let myself feel miserable, and numb. I put this in here today, couldn't do it yesterday.